Thoughtlessness and Impulsivity
While it might sound harsh, being thoughtless and impulsive accurately describes our behavior when we are not mindful of our words. This does not imply we are mean-spirited or unintelligent; rather, it indicates a lack of mindfulness. Reacting without a gap between stimulus and response often leads to thoughtless communication.
To counter this, it is essential to distinguish between hearing and active listening. Active listening involves setting aside our immediate concerns to fully concentrate on the other person’s message and meaning. Evaluations, decisions, and reactions should come only after we have fully understood the communication.
Talking Too Much
Talking too much can be detrimental due to the simple law of probabilities: the more we speak, the higher the likelihood that we will say something we regret. Additionally, excessive talking increases the chances of losing our audience’s interest. Effective communication requires us to be concise and focused, ensuring that our words are impactful and meaningful.
The Power of Words
Words have a significant impact on our relationships and professional success. Whether spoken or written, words can either strengthen bonds or fracture them. This holds true in casual interactions, frustrating or disappointing situations, and critical reviews. Being mindful of our vocabulary and how we use it is crucial in all forms of communication.
Making Our Words Matter
To harness the power of words and become, as Jordan Peterson says, “absolutely deadly” in our communication, we must continually work on improving our skills. Successful people treat communication as a craft to be honed. Here are some strategies to ensure your words matter:
- Pre-Game Your Conversation
Preparation is invaluable. Before speaking or writing, mentally prepare what you intend to say. Practice speaking out loud to hear how it sounds. This exercise often improves both the choice of words and the volume of words used. As Mark Twain famously said, “The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
- Eliminate Unnecessary Words
Great communicators are masters of efficiency. They avoid wasting words. For example, consider eliminating the word “just” from your vocabulary. Prefacing statements with “just” diminishes their importance. “I just called to say I love you” becomes stronger as “I called to say I love you.” Other words to consider removing include “really,” “quite,” and “literally.”
- Say What You Mean
Being direct is often misunderstood as being blunt or harsh. However, direct communication conveys confidence and authenticity. It saves time and reduces the risk of misinterpretation. For instance, “I want to get an update on the project status” is much clearer and more assertive than “I just wanted to get an update on the project status.”
- Use Simple Words
Winston Churchill, known for his brevity and wit, said, “Short words are best and old words when short are the best of all.” Simple words are clear and to the point, facilitating fast and effective communication. In today’s fast-paced world, where attention spans are short, simple words are a competitive advantage.
- Use Bullet Point Theory
Social anxiety often leads to talking too much. Focusing on a few key bullet points can help anchor your thoughts and keep your communication concise. Bullet points act as mental cues, preventing you from drifting off track.
- Practice the Two-Second Rule
Count to two before responding to someone. This practice gives you a moment to formulate a thoughtful response, reducing the likelihood of impulsive or thoughtless replies.
The Importance of Mindful Communication
We spend a significant portion of our waking hours engaging with words. A study from the University of California, San Diego estimated that the average American consumes over 100,000 words daily. With the ambient noise level in our lives higher than ever, breaking through the noise to ensure our words are heard requires mindfulness and precision.
Conclusion
Our words have the power to shape our relationships and professional success. By being mindful of how we use them, we can enhance our communication skills and ensure that our words matter. Reflecting on the strategies discussed—preparing conversations, eliminating unnecessary words, being direct, using simple words, focusing on key points, and practicing thoughtful pauses—can help us become more effective communicators.
For further reading and resources on improving communication skills, explore the following links:
- [Harvard Business Review: The Art of Active Listening](https://hbr.org/2016/07/the-art-of-active-listening)
- [Mind Tools: Communication Skills](https://www.mindtools.com/page8.html)
- [TED Talks: Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are](https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are)
- [Psychology Today: The Power of Words](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/words-matter/201406/the-power-words)